12 Types of Assholes: How to Spot Them Before It’s Too Late

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http://www.thebolde.com/12-types-assholes-spot-late/

I would  normally not be so blunt as to use the a … word. Foul language does not agree with my personality and since I follow the rule BE YOURSELF most of the time,  I do not resort to these expletives.

Having made this disclosure, Kudos to the article’s author.
Well said and very clear message.
This blog is intended primarily for a slew of chronic illnesses and the best tips to face our challenges and overcome them.

Depression is readily exacerbated by relationships failures. 
To all the gals who read this blog consistently, pay heed to each of the points mentioned in the Bolde.

If you are struggling in your relationship and you are left more depressed and unsatisfied by it than feeling complete and in harmony, take action. Cut the guy lose or talk your differences with a trained relationship counselor. That includes therapists, clergymen, life coach and friends who hold your best interest at heart and can be unbiased and objective.

Some points are deal beakers though.  Substance abuse is always a pass me by invitation.  Non – negotiable.

Life is short. Cliche or not that is reality. You are dealing with one or multiple health issues that are always agravated by stress.
Put yourself first when it comes to relationships. If you do not get what you desire, do not put up with it. You are moving forward to a more balanced, healthier, fulfilling life. Additional  drama has no space in your recovery plan.

50 MOST COMMON OBSTACLES TO LEAVE AN ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP

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The Hotline: 50 Obstacles to Leaving

LEARN ABOUT THE 50 MOST COMMON OBSTACLES TO LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
us/http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE/FINDING RESOURCES IN YOUR AREA
us/http://www.thehotline.org/212/07/finding-resources-in-your-area/

“We often get callers who aren’t sure what services are available to them. They feel alone and that they lack options. We can connect them to resources in their local area to help them in their time of need.

The Hotline is a national service available to anyone. Our advocates can talk through specific situations, provide feedback and connect callers to vital resources. Our goal is to help survivors and their family members and friends understand the dynamics of power and control in abusive and unhealthy relationships. We also help create safety plans, or outlines of what to do in certain situations, that are both practical and effective for someone experiencing abuse.”

IDENTIFY THE SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN THE FAMILY

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“Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening.

It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions on an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now CAUSING THEM TO HARM OTHERS.”

READ ON WORLD OF PSYCHOLOGY  (http://psychcentral.com/blog/about/)

SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE TO HELP YOU RECOGNIZE IF ANY OF THESE SIGNS ARE PRESENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE, YOUR FAMILY (BETWEEN YOUR SPOUSE AND CHILDREN) , AT WORK OR IN YOUR FRIENDSHIPS.

IDENTIFYING ABUSE IS THE FIRST STEP TO PUT A STOP TO IT.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE  is extremely common in our society but at the same time, it is most likely overlooked because it doesn’t leave visible marks.

Abusers are skillful manipulators; they usually put on a façade in front of family and co-workers, even at their parishes or places of worships that is very difficult to unmask leaving abused spouses and children even more isolated and defenseless.

Abusers go as far as to gain their victims’ family trust in order to keep on their “good appearance” and maintain their victims (spouses and children) in perpetual disadvantage and shattered credibility not to mention isolation from what it should be the closest support network to the victims.

Abuse is all about control and power; the abuser usually has an upper hand over her victim because of a solid financial status, gainful employment and/ or good health ( disabled women and children are usually, the most common victims)

Continuous criticism, name calling, shaming, threats of harm to beloved relatives or themselves, violence outbursts like breaking objects in front of the victim to instill terror, insults, minimization of accomplishments, sudden mood swings, poor self-control, failure to acknowledge responsibility for own aggressive and violent behavior, and jealousy are all common signs of emotional and psychological abuse.

CHILD ABUSE IN THE SOLE FORM OF EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL MALTREATMENT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY AND PREVENT”

In order for women to escape and break the cycle of abuse a solid support network must be established; relatives, friends, adept counselors in the field of family abuse must be engaged to to break the cycle and offer a secure escape route.

One caveat  here; the courts, judicial system, attorneys and psychologists ARE VERY FREQUENTLY MANIPULATED BY THE ABUSER.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE DOES NOT LEAVE VISIBLE MARKS; ABUSERS ARE CONSUMMATED, CUNNING LIARS AND MANIPULATORS.

AS A VICTIM OF ABUSE YOU NEED TO CAREFULLY CHOOSE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO HELP YOU ESCAPE YOUR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

DO NOT TRUST OR RELY ANY OUTSDE ENTITY THAT DOES NOT TAKE YOUR ABUSE CLAIMS SERIOUSLY.

RETAIN ATTORNEYS THAT YOU HAVE VERIFIED THAT HAVE VAST EXPERIENCE IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS; ANY FAMILY ATTORNEY WILL  NOT BE UP TO THE TASK.

IF YOU CAN NOT AFFORD/RETAIN A SPECIALIZED, PRIVATE ATTORNEY CONSULT LEGAL AID SERVICES AVAILABLE NATIONWIDE

AT ALL TIMES KEEP IN MIND YOUR CHILDREN AND OWN SAFETY.

He Says He Loves You….So Why Does He Do That?

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Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

By Lundy Bancroft, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men

It is have been deemed the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. According to Jay Silverman, Ph.D. director Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

This high acclaimed book will teach you:

.The early warning signs

.Ten abusive personality types, including psychological, emotional and verbal abuse

.The role of drugs and alcohol

. What you can fix and what you can’t

. How to get out of a relationship safely

. A clear understanding about the extreme lengths abusive men will go to in order to keep you under his tight grip even after separation.

. Why children are abuser’s favorite weapons  used against the wife that left them, yes, the children’s well being are not the abusers’ priority if they really want to hurt the mother and force her to come back.

.How the abusive man sow division in their families
.Parental Alienation
.Interference with Parenting
.How children look at their abusive fathers and why they copy their father’s attitude against their mother
.The abuser’s tactics in custody disputes

This book is an invaluable tool for abused women who need to improve, survive or leave an abusive relationship.
Be certain to check all resources listed for abused women

If you find yourself in need to navigate the court system and you can afford to retain an attorney do your homework and search for the best qualified Family Law attorney specialized in Abused and Battered Women.
A good place to start is by placing a call to an Abused Women Shelter and ask for references.

If you cannot afford an attorney contact Legal Aid Services.

Abuse National Domestic Violence Hotline contact number

1 800 799 3224

Always be safe! If you know your spouse or partner monitors every one of your moves take precaution and ask a trusted relative or friend to place the call for you.

Abused women cannot escape their oppressors unless a strong, reliable support system is available to them.

Some resources for further reading

When love goes wrong: What to do when you can’t do anything right by Ann Jones

In love and danger: A teen’s guide to breaking free from abusive relationships

Divorce from Justice: The abuse of women and children by divorce lawyers and judges by Karen Winner

Safety planning with battered women by Jill Davies,Eleanor Lyon and Diane Monti- Catania

 
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From March 2nd to March 8th, 2014 at SMASHWORDS

Back In The Swirl: Coping With Meniere’s Disease, Migraine, Chronic Depression, and Baffled Doctors.

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(Offer good through March 08, 2014)